Ebony Petals and Charcoaled Memories
by Scatter Plot
Summary: What happens to a man when he realizes the memories he held so dear were all false? What do you do when the lines between reality and imagination become blurred? Whats is real for Soji? Now Complete
1. Rose Which Grew Absent of Light & Soil

**A/N: Yay for rewrites?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Utena**

Dark, slender fingers traced the corners of black petal; fondling the cool, soft flesh. Trailing downward until they were met by the sharp pain of punctured skin- thorns. Smirking, I took his finger into my hand to observe the hot, crimson substance seeping from the wound. Slowly bringing it to my lips, I lapped away at the stick substance. Lifting my eyes to his, he graced me with a simple smile.

"The black rose is both beautiful and deadly."

**Chapter One: "The Rose Which Grew Absent Of Light Or Soil"**

I was sitting idly at my desk staring at a stack of untouched files, evidence of all my failures. None of my black roses had managed to fully bloom. Resting down my glasses, I began to rub my throbbing temples in a soothing motion. End Of The World would surely do away with the project if it didn't begin producing results soon. Although renowned for being a genius, my mind could not grasp just how Utena Tenjou managed to defeat my roses time and time again.

Maybe it was her innocence or determination. Perhaps the answers lied with in my own insecurities. Then agian, it could have been the fact that she reminded me so much of _her_, Tokiko.

My amber eyes drifted over to the rose frame containing a picture of three smiling faces infront of thriving garden. We almost looked like a family back then: Mamiya, Tokiko and myself. In those days many use to call me the human computer. Perhaps, I was cold and distant like a machine. I suppose I'm not much different now, other than the fact that I have a purpose-Mamiya. Dear Mamiya, who was like fraile flower, he gave me purpose and something to strive for. Years of study only paled in comparison to the life he showed me. You were everything Mamiya, my purpose and my humanity. It had gone unnoticed, but my fingers had managed to tangle themselves within in my soft pink tresses as my thoughts progressed. I promised him that I would find something eternal and eternity he would have.

Glancing around my office, I expected one of the ghost of the 100 boys sacrificed to pass down the hall at any minute. It wouldn't be an usual sight, this building was haunted with many memories. Precious memories, that I had vowed to protect. My office appeared no different then it did in the days before the fire, but the air about it was oddly foreign. Then again, I some how couldn't remember it all too clearly.

Moments late, Mamiya strolled in tediously bearing a single black rose. I couldn't help but smile, taking note to how cautiously he carried it as to before- mindful of its protruding thorns. His dark lashes fluttered open, unsheathing two sparkling emerald orbs. Were his eyes always this green? His features always this dark? I began to panic as my memory failed me. Sweat clotting my brow as the bitter taste of bile rose of the back of my throat. I brought my fist down forcefully onto the oak desk, pain surging up my arm to take notice from my churning stomach.

"No! My precious memories, I must make them eternal!" my own raspy voice sounding unfamiliar even to myself.

Mamiya's eyes grew a bit wide in awe as the corners of his lips curled up into an indifferent smile. "I'm suprised to see you lose your posture, Soji."

"Oh love," I breathed wrapping my arms around the boys slim waist- pressing his form agianst mine. I leaned from chair to bury my face in his chest, allowing his hand free of the rose to stroke my hair. Intaking his scent, I relished in the familiarity of his touch and smell. Would I eventually lose memory of them as well?

Mamiya brought the ebony colored rose to his lips, "Will you fight her yourself, Soji?"

Will I fight her? Mamiya's words snaked right to my core and shaked me from any comfort I had previously clutched. I could do nothing but review the thought unable to supply an outcome. In the midst of my thoughts I appeared to have forgotten just how quickly time passes. I only wished I could make the hour glass stop.

The soft rustle of sheets is what finally awoke me from my thoughts. I placed a palm over my bare, sweaty chest to feel if my heart was still beating. Feeling it pulse beneath my touch, I took relief in the fact that I was indeed still alive. If I lost my valuable memories, would I be able to sustain my presence in this world? I peered over from the pile of crumpled and discarded clothes to Mamiya who was sleeping soundly next to me. His words continued to whisper in my ears long after their departure from his lips.

_"Defeat Utena Tenjou and you will have finally beaten my sister."_

Tokiko...


	2. Ebony Petals: Mamiya Chida

Chapter Two

Ebony Petals: Mamiya Chida

The day I decided I desired eternity was the day I saw the end of the world. When he showed it to me...

It was a night like another, I suppose, I was lying sick in bed, my only comfort being the cool sheets against my flaming skin. It was the worst fever I had, had in months. Maybe Tokiko was right I should take better of myself, but what would it matter if I was going to die anyway. Gathering all of the strength left in my feeble body I attempted to lift my self out of bed. The hardest part being getting my head of the pillow for it felt heavy as if filled with lead.

My bare feet met the icy tile much to my refreshment. Clutching the wall for I support I managed to stumble into the depths of a pitch black hallway. The darkness didn't not concern me much, I knew my way well.

I made it to the garden, my only solace, with considerable ease. It never seemed to hurt as much in the garden. I stood admiring my roses and the way the moonlight illuminated the droplets of a previous watering like tiny crystal kisses. Yes, my only concern if life now were my roses. At an early age I regreted the fact that I would never bear children so I tended to my roses as if they were such;children. I know its odd for a child to think of such things, but when you're expected to die you consider all aspects of life.

"You really should be in bed, Mamiya," came a sultry voice from my far left.

"Mr. Chairman," I finally uttered choking in my own suprise.

"Please, call me Akio we're practically family."

Family, I cringed at the word. I barely knew this Akio. The only people I considered family were Tokiko and Professor Nemuro.

"Why are you here?"

He took a seat at the small table where Tokiko, Soji and myself often had tea and began to fondle my sister's dried flowers."I came to ask you a question," he turned to me with a look in his eyes much like that of a hawk's to its prey."Do you wish to die, Mamiya?"

I'm postive that the look on my face clearly revealed my shock at the question. No one had ever asked me that before. Tokiko and the others were to caught up in making sure that I did survive. I had accepted the fact that I was going to die soo long ago, but did I really want to?

"It's just the waiting that I can't stand. No one around me understands what its like...just waiting to die," I replied.

"You've been sick along time haven't you, Mamiya?" he stated more than questioned.

He then stood up and strolled past me straight to my roses. I watched in trepidation as he grabbed a pair of sheers and hacked away a single rose.

"You monster," I choked," my beautiful roses!"

I could feel hot tears rolling down my cheeks as I stared in awe as the rose turned to the color of charcoal. What evil magic did this man posses? Gesturing for me to take the rose he whispered.

"I can make it where you don't have to be sick anymore. No more waiting to die, you can live forever."

"But I don't want to live forever."

"But in this eternity you will have undying beauty and perpetual bliss, you and whomever you choose to share it with. Death will no longer be at your bedside, Mamiya."

Imaging life without needles, nurses, imense, and more importantly my sister's tears, I made my decision. With trembling hands I recieved my first black rose...

A/N: Sry that was so short I seem to be incabable of producing lenghty chapters. thats ok bc chap 3 is already ready for you guys I hope you still read and hang in with me oh yea updates on Frost Tips and Roses in the Rain will be coming soon!! Promise! REMEMBER TO REVIEW. oH yea if u didn't already figure it out this was a flash back after this its back to Mikages POV


	3. Charcoaled Memories: Professor Nemuro

Chapter Three

Charcoaled Memories: Professor Nemuro

Professor Soji Nemuro, that was who I was at one time. A lifeless, meaningless, shell of man until you came along, Tokiko. I know you can't hear me, but I still like to talk to you from time and time again. You awakend a side of me that was long dormant, I side of me I never knew existed. Maybe when I saw you wrapped in Akio's arm's , The World's End, that Mikage was truly born. The world was blind to the death of Soji Nemuro, no he too burned in those flames.

Those flames....so high you could see them for miles. I could see it in your eyes Tokiko, you thought we were crazy, Mamiya and myself.

Mamiya, I love him so; as much as I loved you then. I only wish I could offer him a garden like the one he loved so much. Roses to his delight. Sadly, Tokiko, the only roses I can offer him are black and staind with blood, the blood of those boys. Roses covered in soot and ash. Those roses, howerever, those memories are what keep him alive.

He will have the eternity I promised, Mamiya and I will live forever, together.

I must go, you see, I have a meeting with Utena Tenjou.

_If I remember correctly and its rare that I don't, the look on his face was foreign. A cold aspiration illuminating from those jade eyes. You came with a bouquet of black roses and laid them upon my lap. I looked up at you quizzically and that's when you told me. Those soft words of raw desire that I keep locked in my heart. I watch intently as your lips parted and they rolled from your tounge._

_"I want it. I want eternity," you whispered._

_"And you shall have it."_

_I never questioned it until now but what changed in you. What made you request the eternity you never before long for? I doubt it is in me to ask you now. The only way to make you eternal is to make you a rose bride and then my love you will live amongst them as the most beautiful rose..._

_I promise..._

"What I can't stand is people who don't bother to take care of themselves."

I watched intently as Utena lectured the rose bride in her garden as did Tokiko lecture Mamiya in his. I must admit much to my own suprise the similarity shook me violently. Once I blinked it was no longer Tenjou but Tokiko herself, however, I shook it off imediatly realizing that my eyes and mind were decieving me. The resemblance however was uncanny. They had the same eyes with the same raw innocence burning from them. I could see it as she revealed her concern for the dark skinned girl.

Tokiko I will defeat you...

As Tenjou exited the garden I grabbed her by the wrist immediately. She jerked in alarm, which was expected. Our eyes met and I found myself intriqued by her expression of bewilderment. She really was naive.

"Oh, Mikage it's you."

"You and I are exactly the same," I stated my eyes narrowing.

"What do you mean?"

"Drop by my office and I will explain everything."

Releasing her wrist I made my way back to Nemuro Memorial Hall. I could feel her stare burning against my back. Having one last glance over my shoulder my sight was met by innocent eyes, dark hair, and waxy red lips.

Enough with the ghost...

I was unaware at the time but I slowly forgetting things and replacing them with false memories, perhaps events I had only wished to take place. The lines between the factual events and those that were conjoured up in my mind were terribably askew. I did remember, however, very clearly the image of Tokiko's ruby lips locked against those of Akio Ohtori's. I had no claim over her heart and she knew nothing of her's over mine. Why did I care? It wasn't like me. Luckly my love is now channeled through Mamiya.

My next encounter with the infamous Oujisama was to be in the garden alone. Approaching her from behind stealthfully like a cat on the prowl. I made my way toward her stopping once my liips were inches away from her ear.

"Are you lonely, Tokiko?"

"Who's Tokiko?" she asked rather nervously.

"Don't be foolish," I whispered now running my fingers through her silky locks.

Wrapping my fingers around her shoulder I twirled her violently around to face me. I could see tears forming in the corners of her eyes. The first time I ever saw Tokiko cry made me uneasy as if it was the first time I had every witnessed someone's pain, unlike then I was numb to it. Caressing her cheek lightly I realized it was just as soft was it was back then. I was soon met by the sharp pain of her hand slapping my face. Grabbing her by the wrist I pushed her against the glass wall.

"Don't defy me again, Tokiko!" I snapped," I won't forgive you what you've done to me or Mamiya."

"Mikage, I don't know what your talking about," Utena cried.

_I could see the beads of sweat forming on her brow. Why was she so nervous? I took note to every swallow and shift of her eyes._

_"I don't know how to tell you this," she finally choked._

_Sitting my glasses on the table I watched as she continously stirred her tea._

_"I'm think I'm finally ready to stop chasing these dreams of eternity. It's time to grow up."_

_"And Mamiya...?"_

_"I'm tired of watching my little brother suffer, there is no point in torturing him further. He was meant to die. It's time we stop giving him injections."_

_"You're going to let him die then, right when we are so close to succeeding?"_

_"Close to what! There is no reason in dragging out the inevitable. I'm going to give him one final injection, his last one."_

_"So you are going to murder your own brother?" I said rather calmly but inside I could feel a burning rage._

_Mamiya told me he wasn't afraid to die. Tears wouldn't come to me though my heart was undoubtly heavy as Tokiko strolled in baring a lethal needle. Looking down at the sickly boy I couldn't understand why I cared for him so. Mamiya just smiled, what a brave flower he is._

_Tokiko lifted Mamiya's arm, the needles point only centimeters away from his delicate veins. Disgusted at the thought of the poison coursing through his blood until his heart stopped. I slapped the needle from Tokiko's hand! Tokiko and Mamiya just stared in shock. It was the most emotion I had ever felt in my life. The most human I had ever been..._

_"I won't let you! Mamiya will live forever!"_


	4. The Path Not Prepared

Chapter Four

The Path Not Prepared

"Is is possible for an hour glass to run slow?"

You asked me that once, didn't you Tokiko? My answer may be belated, but I'm afraid that now is the only time that I may provided you with a resolution. Only in this false world, this artificial reality, only in my heart may the sands of time come to a halt. I had the capacity of stopping time, but not reality.

Her eyes scanned over each picture thirsty for every detail. An unintended smirk lit my face as I saw her lashes flutter upward and he lower lip slowly drop. I knew that instant that she had come across some familiar faces.

"They were all members of the Mikage Seminar,"stepping from the shadows I announced my presence.

My greeting however was met rashly by her fist. Falling to the floor I cupped my hands over my stinging cheek, but my gaze remained fixated on her. She truly was her prettiest when she was angry. She hovered over me breathing heavily her fist still clenched and her eyes burning with freshly stirred rage.

"So your the one who's been manipulating everyone!" she screamed.

I chuckled lightly to myself scrambling to my feet, "You seem to be screaming stay away from my precious memories. Is it that you don't want to end up like your friends?"

"My memories are mine and mine alone," she defended.

"But of course they are," I laughed once again. "Everyone one of them fought to perserve a precious memory. A memory so valuable that it consumed them. I offered them freedom," I added gesturing to the photos on the wall.

Her expression remained unsoftened and I saw her fist drawing back for another blow. "I bet," I continued trying to avert her wrath,"you wish you could make your own memories eternal. Someone changed your life, didn't they, and you long to live in those memories. It is that longing that has brought you this far. You and I are the same, Utena Tenjou." I held up my finger baring the rose crest ring.

"I am nothing like you!" she released another blow. "I challange you to a duel, to prove I'm nothing like you, you manipulative bastard!" she finished as I fell helplessly to the ground.

The last time I saw Mamiya he was hovering over the water tank clutching the final black rose. I could hear the memorable sound of faint dripping water in the distance. This routine would soon end.

"Utena Tenjou is strong."

"Yes I know. I believe she would have killed me if not for my rose crest ring."

Mamiya plucked the rose from the aquarium and brought it to his chest. Gazing into his eyes I could feel my chest begin to fill with confidence. Planting a delicate kiss on his tender lips as my good bye I entered the elevator.

There I was crumpled in the corner of the elevator peering motionlessly at its gray walls as it traveled downward. My heart began to go deeper, and deeper; this was my confessional.

"In truth we are no closer to reaching our goal then when we started all those years ago. Tenjou gets closer to obtaining Dios everyday as we remain unprogressed. She must be defeated in order to continue. It's time for the hour glass to shatter!"

A solitary tear rolled from the corner of my eye. Capturing it with the tip of my finger I held it out before me. If I had been a machine it would have been considered a malfunction, but I wasn't the machine that everyone believed, I was a man. I had truly become alive while amongst the dead.

"Oh Tokiko, I knew you would come back!" I smiled to myself," You've come back to claim your victory once and for all."

In my mind's eye I could see Mamiya, still in his robe, tending to his dear roses._Mamiya..._ it was all gradually becoming clearer; my bitter sweet illusion.

Hearing the nostaligic ding of the elevator reaching the final floor I rose to my feet as the heavy doors slid open. I was met by a blinding light and the extension of a black rose.

I met Tenjou at the schedule time, despite my injuries. She stood proudly a top the spiraling arena the rose bride at her side. I was determined not to be defeated.

For most of the duel it appeared to be equally matched, at points it even seemed as if I had the upper hand. Time passed at a grueling pace as we waged on and my memories began to hang heavily over my head, clouding my vision. The photographs set upon the desks crowding the arena revealed something violent, a memory lost in flame.

_"Soji you are going to lose this duel."_

The face smiling at me from the frames was of Mamiya Chida, the Mamiya my heart remembered, but not the Mamiya I had been sharing my days with.

_"My sister existed only in you memories and there you will never defeat her."_

"Mamiya is that you! Where are you!!" I paniced.

It all became painfully clear to me, who burned down Nemuro Hall. I was the sinner! I was the murderer! All this time I had been blaming it on innocent Mamiya. At his vindication I realize bitterly that I had been seeking eternity for my own selfish needs!

My memories that I had held so precious, so dear, were all false! All I had sought out to make eternal were lies! What is real and what is not? What is a machine without memory? What is a man without memories? I am nothing, only a defender of lies. I had been searching desperately to keep Mamiya with me, to eternalize that memory, but it to had become distorted. If he, Tokiko and Nemuro Hall were all lies what security do I have that I, myself am not fiction as well. Did I too burn in that fire along with my memories.

Mamiya...its been decades since I've seen you last...

Feeling the ground collapse around me I found myself falling through a bottomless pit with nothing grab unto. I wept uncontrollably as my black rose was torn from my chest, I had been defeated. Collapsing to my knees my body trembled as it waswrought with grief. For the first time in my existence I was experiencing true pain and loss...if I ever did truly exist.

"You finally won, Tokiko."

And Mamiya...I truly loved you.


	5. So Much For Lost Boys

Chapter Five

So Much For Lost Boys

_Itravel through one of the few empty halls in the academy, no one ever passed through this wing. I liked traveling this way, it was the only time I felt I could truly let my thought wander. The sunlight poured in from the windows that lined the hall illuminating the path ahead of me. I always loved those tall windows, they seemed to be reaching for the sky. My movement was of its normal pace as I took my usual long strides, but I came to unexpected halt at the approach of her. Tokiko... Her hair had grown much longer, but her face had been untouched. At the sight of me her own steps ceased._

_"Soji." she greeted dryly,her lips as red and waxy as ever._

_"Good afternoon...Tokiko."_

_I attempted to continue on my way, but once again stopped at the sound of her voice. "How have you been?"_

_"Fine."_

_"I see you haven't aged a bit," she lowered her head still trying to make conversastion._

_"Why do you care?"_

_"It's not normal, Soji."_

_I turned around trying to peer into her eyes but they were shadowed by her over sized sun hat." I know its been hard for you, Soji. It hasn't been easy for me either, but I'm getting over it. I've grown up now."_

_"Grown up?" I replied wryly, " You haven't grown up Tokiko, you've just forgotten."_

_"No, I haven't!" she retorted, "I have grown! And its time you grow up to! Let it go Soji..."_

"Your companion Mamiya who was produced by your lingering regret over Tokiko actually died a long time ago. You treasured that illusion of memories so much that it stopped time for you. I made us of that. The time you spent not growing up as you kept hope alive in your heart proved useful to me, however, that's all over now. The path you must now take has not been prepared for you. It's time you graduate, Professor."

With the soft click of him hanging up the phone the conversastion ended.

Mamiya stood staring out the window of the chairman's tower looking down to the graveyard below. He closed his eyes at the presence of Akio's hand on his shoulder.

"What's wrong? Do you feel sympathy for him? But he doesn't even exist in this world anymore. He never truly existed at all. A phantom, much like yourself."

Anthy turned to her brother offering a polite smile.

In the cemetery below I approached Mamiya's grave with cautious steps. The task of facing the reality I had spent years trying to ignore was not an easy one. Kneeling I placed a single pink colored rose a top his grave.

"No more black roses for you," I whispered.

I ran my fingers over the characters of his name etched deep with in the stone. So this was reality? I remember Mamiya telling me he wasn't sure that the flowers his sister so desperately tried to perserve liked being made to last longer. Something in my heart told me that this memory was pure. How shamelessly I had forgotten. Mamiya too probably didn't like being forced to linger in this world. I tried so hard to gain eternity and sweet Mamiya would have never said a word, much like Utena to her bride.

Despite her triumph Utena Tenjou had proven nothing. In reality, to the core, she and I were still the same.

"I am unsure what is real or if I myself am real. All I know is I remain and you do not, Mamiya. I want to be where you are...maybe there we can have our eternity."

I laid myself on top of his grave, feet above my resting love. Caressing the soil I felt hot, familiar tears rolling un checked down my paling cheeks. I closed my eyes in desperation that when I opened them Mamiya and I would be together again...

FIN

A/N: I know that was uber short, but I felt the final chapter had to be that way. Please review and tell me what you think now that its over. I tried desperately to get inside their heads. I am currently working on a FF7 fic called Seraph's Asylum and for those who've played the game I would appreciate it if you read it also. I believe other than Seraph this is by far my best work ever! Especially since I created it entirely on my own as of in Seraph I have a partner. This is my second completed fic and for once I am actually satisfied with how it ended if you guys disagree then tell me lol. Sorry it was short but if you think about it their story was kind of short. I dug as deep as I could lol.

Ja Ne!

Neon


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